Ahhh, the good ‘ol USA. As politicians and pundits start trickling into the useless babble forum known as the election cycle, we stupid little citizens will be hounded for money in a show of support for a particular candidate.
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Note: if you feel inclined to give, always bargain because the a-hole on the other end starts high…
- Tell ’em you don’ t have a job – they’ll lower the suggested amount.
- Tell ’em you’re concerned about covering your bills – suggested amount drops more.
- Tell them your dog has rectal cancer and needs to have his butt removed.
“Well, how about just $25 sir, Mr(s). X could really use your support?” SOLD. Fluffy’s ass will just have to rot off on it’s own.
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And so the story goes…
Money flows in, propaganda flows out, and candidates try to convince you that they are not witches:
Idiots believe whatever the hell they are fed:
By ignorant assholes with loud voices like this guy:
Who aim simply to get ratings and lots of money:
Beck's ratings skyrocket
But, sometimes egotists take shit too far, and even ignorant people turn on them:
Becks ratings drop by 1/3 in three months
All the while, the ‘better parts’ of society steep in their own self-righteousness, a sheer flatulence cloud of smug, if you will:
But, at the end of the day, through hanging chads (http://tinyurl.com/5wxe92g), malfunctioning voting machines(http://tinyurl.com/5gs3nz), stuffed ballot boxes and dead men voting (http://tinyurl.com/6zuqts5), “we the people” manage to exercising our 14th, I mean 15th, I mean 19th, I mean 23rd, I mean 26th amendment right, electing a motley crew of perverts, thieves and fraudsters (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_federal_political_scandals_in_the_United_States) to help us build the bold, the beautiful AMERICAN DREAM.
To make your own AMERICAN DREAM, following these simple steps
STEP 1: Create the worst maternity leave policy of all developed countries (Moms are just lazy, baby-making machines anyhow):
The quick stats (Full 2009 Report from LIS – http://www.lisproject.org/publications/parentwork/parent-leave-report.pdf) :
OUT OF 21 DEVELOPED COUNTRIES
- US ranks 20th in unpaid permitted leave time for couples (24 weeks total)
- US ranks dead last in paid maternity leave (USA provides $0 of paid maternity leave)
- US ranks 11th in unpaid paternity leave (12 unpaid weeks for fathers…GO USA!)
STEP 2: Allow the financial system to be hijacked by massive, lobbying banks then pay them to correct the problem (Quantitative Easing for Dummies):
STEP 3: Widen the earnings and wealth gaps between the rich and the poor as far as possible:
Income Figures - CBO
STEP 4: Craft statistics to make people think getting a job is easier than it actually is (unemployed people like to set fire to tires on busy streets, this is bad, you don’t want this):
Jobless Figures - 3 versions
STEP 5: Underfund education and slip to the bottom of the worldwide pile:
Education comparison worldwide
STEP 6: Let capitalism dictate the terms of your healthcare system:
Healthcare - Cost vs Quality
Viola, you have just created your own little American Dream: Don’t get sick, have a baby, go to school, attempt to get a job, expect to make a decent salary, or trust anyone in finance.
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For a more uplifting read, check out my debut novel, Where’s Unimportant. Links to purchase on my website at www.danielshortell.com
debut novel available now
Posted by danielshortell.com 